[Blog (non channeled), Feb 2010]

I've recently given a lot of thought and exploration to the idea of separateness.

When I've participated in or talked about either progressive causes and spirituality, there's the beautific affirmation about the "interconnectedness of All That Is". There's some basic truth there. Psychological and health studies have shown our well-being is intrinsically connected with that of our community. Materially, as we extract resources from the Earth in an imbalanced way or ignore the downwind effect of our consumption on other cultures, we may create ripples of suffering at many points in the chain. Or, as is mentioned in various spiritual teachings such as Advaita Vedanta, mystical christianity or channeled teachings, oneness is fact - there is utterly no separation between different manifestations of the one source and Beingness. Resting in the oneness of All That Is - the experience of enlightenment - is the magical realization that creates joy.

What I've realized for myself is that trying to get there has worked out to be simply (if you'll excuse the term) mental masturbation. Have you ever read books over and over again, just trying to get it? Trying to get, for instance, the Law of Attraction so that you can attract just what you want, and assuming that if you didn't get it, it's your doing and you just have to try harder? It's the thought that because this path to joy is so incredibly simple, it must just require a little more effort. And that effort - that trying - turns out to be a fight. And when it becomes obsessive, that fight becomes a war.

Yes, I've at times made war on the idea of separateness and all the things I equate with it. After some suffering - and some laughter - I've realized trying to get there just ends up with me clobbering myself with the concepts. It creates a dogma. Because joy and surrender supposedly depend on that being-based knowingness of oneness, I either consciously or unconsciously push those beautiful thoughts inside my brain. When it doesn't rest, I push harder. I make a great effort, which in this case is about exerting force on myself. Trying to control myself. But there's one indisputable truth:

If control actually worked, we'd all already be happy.

The other side of this is the thought that "we are already one, so there's no need to realize this". We already have Buddha-nature. We are Zen. Not in holy scriptures in the past or through great teachers, but even in our very human experience. "That was Zen, this is Tao!". So to speak.

I've always loved the analogy of the littlest part of our bodies, the cells that constitute our organs and fluids. They're both individual and part of the greater whole that makes up our bodies. They have a consciousness that's both seemingly separate from us and part of us. They maintain a strong sense of division from other cells through the cytoskeleton, the cell membrane. It maintains cell shape and regulates exchange with its community. This serves a vital function; if a cell tried to "merge into oneness" by dissolving this, it would likely die within a minute, creating a biological mush that serves no foundation for life.

I liken forcing oneness onto people to that of the individual cell. Put simply: we're here to experience separateness. As much as experiencing oneness is joyful, we're also here to be separate.

A primary responsibility to ourselves is self-care. So when we interpret new age claptrap to mean that this separateness is "bad" - and everything that goes along with it such as boundaries and individuality - a part of us starts dying. We're doing violence to ourselves through this mental assault. When we give up our individuality, we do as much damage to ourselves as a cell would by dissolving its membrane.

Put simply: separateness is a good thing. Individuality is wonderful.

So the affirmation I am creating for myself this week is:

I rejoice in my separateness.

Heresy in some circles, no? But it feels good. Let me explain!

Suffering essentially comes from some struggle. Struggle, by its very nature, is the essence of violence. Why? You can also call violence "resistance" - I consider it the same thing. It can be physical, mental, or emotional. It is the act of forcibly denying the truth of what's going on.

All violence has its basis in that - the thought that "this shouldn't be happening". It can be extreme as in denying someone's right to exist, it can be about denying boundaries that are truly there, or it can simply be in denying that someone, including one's self, is exactly in the state that they're in. It's all violence. If I think that I should be different - even if I try to change things by positive thoughts - I am doing violence on myself and sowing discontent.

In the west, we're so used to violence that even well-meaning education uses this principle. Unlike other cultures, we have the "original sin". A part of us is bad and should be put away.

Violence is resisting - in any form - what is going on in the present moment.

There will always be a major part of me that doesn't understand oneness. My brain isn't built to "get it". Our conscious minds - or at least our left brain - isn't built for it. So trying to force this part of me into "getting it" is violence.

So rejoicing in separateness really means letting go of the need to "get it". It means letting go of any need for harmony. It means letting go of the need to be "spiritual".

The funny thing is that as I've started to surrender to myself, I realize more that my conscious mind, my "ego", doesn't have the capability of truly understanding oneness. It's a word. It's a piper's song, promising pleasure and satisfaction at the end of a long quest. But that doesn't change that there are greater parts of me - that are still me - that do already know this. And the more I let go of trying to have my conscious mind "get it", the more space there is for that greater self, that essence, to come through. It's about letting go of all the responsibility to "get it" and just flow along.

Being ourselves. Separate. And loving it.

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